My Open Letter To You.

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Hope this letter meets you well.

I find myself writing again, it’s a breath of fresh air and though life has served you and I different episodes of an unwinding series, being able to talk to you about it sure does take some of the weight off my shoulders.

One more explosion for the road maybe?

Allow me share these moments with you...

Life is many things but one thing we can’t say is that it comes without flavour. Recently as I saw the day break away from night I drifted into a wave of thought that could only come as the grogginess of sleep was drawn away from me.

A lot is wrong in the world, a lot is not right with us, how many times do we wake only to yearn eagerly for sleep? How many times do we cry ourselves to “sleep” only to be awoken by nightmares in broad daylight?

Many days we find ourselves alone, fighting battles only we are truly aware of. Whether we’re hunching over work we can’t find anyone else to do better for us, or beating ourselves up about missed opportunities and the many losses we count on our journeys.

One such thing that baffles me is how though our thoughts come to us in a mix of verbal-visual cues, actual communication is usually more than that, tension in the air, intangibles like how impossible it is to separate past from present even as we look into the future. Without seeing, without hearing a word we are able to sense the anxiety that comes with the wait. Uncertainty gently robs us of serenity and we bend our thoughts around the many worries eager to occupy what’s left of our minds.

As the year winds down it becomes easier to see all that we have yet to achieve, all that is wrong with us, all that leaves us feeling lost and maybe even hopeless.

Who am I to tell you that I know what tomorrow holds when even I struggle to find closure on some matters and for others, their revisitation leaves me wondering if I'll ever find lasting relief.

You look for money, at least enough to pay your bills and keep you self respect. You pray for miracles significant enough that your fears are put to rest for the dreams you have that now strangle you while you break yourself space to breathe.

You have taken on new challenges, new roles that perhaps weren't on your initial plan. Every level you get to rises you to another boss, difficulty increases. You're wrestling demons you thought you had defeated. Waging war on your own senses. You might even feel jinxed when it comes to certain things, as though this particular one recurs to the point you feel maddened by your inability to break free. Why you? Why always you?

It’s like a clock that never stops ticking or wheel that keeps spinning whether we’re losing or winning.

Far from alone, here we are. Breaking into the bad fighting for the things we perhaps never had... But before you lose it, spiralling into a million invective thoughts, insulting yourself, judging yourself, labelling yourself, trapped in a bubble of your own thoughts. I want you to know this. I see you. I don’t have it all figured out but when I’m down in my gutters feeling lost and alone I sense you like a spider feeling vibrations in its web; we’re connected.

(Because I just love this quote)

Connected not in a social sense, or in a tangle of something... physical but I feel connected to you as I imagine wolves in a pack feel connected. I know having the same door shut in your face over and over must feel terrible, I know what it’s like and I know it sucks. Through it all I draw strength from knowing whether it’s across the room or miles away, when I get up I see you getting up. When I feel down I imagine how you must’ve felt when you were knocked down and I imagine what it must feel like to be on the ringside cheering you on shouting "get up!!! Come on!!!"

Winning feels better when I know we're going through our battles, facing our storms building up together.

This is just me taking a moment to let you know... Seeing you win gives me so much joy. Seeing us win feeling amazing.

Whether it's a new year or new month or whatever. Being adults means we get to feel each year differently and more intensely. Let's take it a moment at a time, living as intentionally as we can, so we live without regrets.

Keep moving, even if it means you have to take a step back to move forward.

Here’s to seeing us win.
Blessings. Warm Regards.

Yours Literally,
S.